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Monkeys are not good pets. Yes, some can be quite sweet for a time. But the reality is monkeys are capable of causing too much harm and need too much care and attention to thrive in a human household.

What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block.

2. Did you hear about that lame party in the jungle? Someone forgot to bring the chimps and dip.

3. Why do monkeys love bananas? Because they have appeal.

4. Why shouldn’t you fight with a monkey? They use gorilla warfare.

5. What kind of underwear do monkeys wear? Chimpantsies.

6. What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret? A blab-boon.

7. What do you call a flying monkey? A hot air baboon.

8. What does a monkey wear while cooking? An ape-ron.

9. Two monkeys are in the bath. One turns to the other and says, “Oooo ooo aah aahh!” The second monkey says, “Well, put some cold in then!”

10. What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear? Anything you want, he can’t hear you.

11. Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches? Because they don’t wear pants.

12. Where do monkeys go to grab a beer? The monkey bars!

13. What came first, the monkey or the ape? The dinosaur!

14. What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.

15. Where does a baby monkey sleep? In an apricot.

16. What kind of monkey likes seafood? A shrimpanzee.

17. Where do chimps hear all their gossip? The ape vine.

18. What kind of key opens a banana? A mon-key!

19. What does a banana do when it sees a monkey? The banana splits.

20. Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs around. 21. What do you call a monkey that wins the World Series? A chimpion.

22. How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster.

23. How do you catch a monkey? Climb a tree and act like a banana.

24. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole? Lost.

25. What did the banana do when he saw the monkey? The banana split.

26. Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails? To a retailer.

27. If a monkey has 30 bananas in one hand and 40 bananas in the other hand, what does he have? Huge hands.

28. What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips? A chipmunk.

29. Where does a 2,000-pound gorilla sit? Anywhere it wants to.

30. If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do? Pay him. 31. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed monkey on a tricycle and a well-dressed monkey on a bicycle? Attire. 32. Why did the chimpanzee cross the road? Because he had to take care of some monkey business. 33. Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper? Because the elevator was broken. 34. What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas don’t talk. 35. Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey? Because they believed in gibbon take. 36. What did the orangutan say to the chimp? “Ginger’s the new black!” 37. What is an orangutan’s favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp! 38. What do you feed a 600-pound orangutan? Anything it wants! 39. What’s white and swings through the trees? A meranguetan! 40. What do you call a monkey who works in a call center? A who-rang-utang! 41. Did you know before they had monkey bars, monkeys would just drink at home. 42. What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboooom! 43. Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Although monkeys are more filling. 44. In March, I found a monkey paw and used it to wish to work from home every day. I’m sorry, everybody. 45. What did the monkey say after his tail got caught in the lawnmower? “Won’t be long now!” 46. Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters? Because they are filled with anty bodies. 47. What’s a monkey’s favorite game? Hangman. 48. What do you call a man who can jump from tree to tree? A monkey’s uncle. 49. What do monkeys do for laughs? They tell jokes about people. 50. What do you tell a naughty monkey? “Stop chimping about.” 51. What does a woodcutter say before he chops down a tree in the rainforest? “Let the chimps fall where they may.” 52. What’s a monkey’s favorite drink? Chimpan-tea! 53. What are monkey’s favorite biscuits? Chocolate chimp cookies. 54. How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape. 55. What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split. 57. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers! 58. What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s. 59. What do you call an angry monkey? Furious George. 60. What do you call a monkey with a wand and a broomstick? Hairy Potter. 61. What did the baboon win at the beauty contest? She won beast of show. 62. What did the baboon study in law school? The law of the jungle. 63. What do you get when you cross a baboon and a parrot? Nobody knows, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you would definitely listen. 64. What’s a monkey’s favorite store? Banana Republic. 65. What type of monkey should have eight legs? A spider monkey. 66. What do you call a monkey holding a firecracker? A ba-BOOM! 67. Where do monkeys work out? The jungle gym.

If you've made it this far thru the monkey jokes and puns ... you've realized "possibly" you are searching for MONKEY's on a REPTILE Site ... Stop monkey'ing around!  Sorry we do not offer mammals!  But good luck on your search :)